Can't find the English word

for "insouciance".
I remember that time of my life when my personal life was so stable and secure, so comfortable that any problem wasn't a real problem.

I think I lost a lot of myself and childhood a year ago, when my ex left.

Today, everything is complicate; I can't say, I can't guess what tomorrow will be made of.

In the last days, I fought so much for my babies and myself, found myself talking to a wall, which is so weird. Scary.

I hope one day I can wake up without feeling the weight of y own life. I want to feel light again, to laugh with my babes without worrying that much.

That will happen.