Cupcakes & snakes

I've finished Sophie Syphilis a few days ago. This is such a personal painting! Feeling like painting with blood.. honest!
Just had to wait for the rain to stop to get the right light for the photos :) ... and taking pics of paintings never fit the reality (sigh). I need a good photographer in my life! :P

click here for details

Temps modernes ?

..Just stressing Paris? Or a mom on her own ?

it's 7.30pm
Rushing back from work, taking lil time for the babes that have been on their own for some time after holiday camp.
Rushing out to the veterinary, with Morphine and the devils, before I'd pay twice the price because it's already night schedule.
Rushing back home, giving Morphine her lil medication.

Then rushing out again because a mom had promised her babes they would get new stuff for school. And they wouldn't wait.

Back home. It's 10.00pm. Gotta feed the devils.
But super happy devils just back from shopping by night.

..And then the sofa was mine, not even energy to check for the snail mail (invoices for sure) I got.

Well.. Super happy devils is motivating enough :)

Just a quickie

I wanna update my bloggie, so badly!
But I've been hardly behind my screen lately. Last weekend I was in Bretonie, to spend 3 days with my devils. I go back there tomorrow. My only precious holidays, 2 weekends far from my beloved Paris.

There, I spend my time in my mom's house. I can't go back in the hobbit house, it's too painful, it's too much for me. I feel like in the twilight zone there. Last year I spent 2 months in that lil house I did love. Today I try to escape the memories it brings me. So strange.

Work is going fine. It's hard, really speed, but very interesting. When I leave, I jump in a bus, in a tram, in the tube to join my sport place. I'm never back home before 10.00pm lately.

I love life this way.

I'll bring back photos after my weekend in the wild wild west ;)

Guardian angels

My lil grand-mother ("lil", no she's way taller than I! but she's so weak...)

On Friday morning, my sister and I (the geographically closest to the hospital), were called. "your grand mother is dying now".

We hurry, join there, scared of what we will find. Our grand mother still alive or..?
The rest of the family waits for our calls. Others will arrive to the hospital later.

She was still alive, so weak.

Today, she is weaker.
But she can open her eyes, she is "here". But you feel she is living her last days.

It is almost worse that she is conscious. Despite the morphine, she is suffering so much, you can see it.

It is hard, really hard.

Harder for those who can't be with her as much as I can. Like for my sister who can't miss work anymore.
At least there's almost always someone with her on day time.

She's surrounded with so much love : ))

From planet Candles

in orbit, I am. Quicksands, always. Tornados often.

3 days, Easter, with hardly any job offer. And school holidays just around the corner, that will be even slower.
No improvement from my grand-ma.. I'm the closest to the hospital so I think I'll be there everyday, till I get a f**&%ing job.

 I need to go out, see people, do more sport (isn't 8 hours/week enough? no nooooo) :P

Circle of life

Ok, (breathing in, breathing out), it's my day

Quicksand

I walk, one step, then another.

The ground isn't as hard as I thought, I'm about to lose my balance sometimes, even fall.
It was scary the first times.
you just don't know how often you will fall. Then you learn how to. Just like when skiing : )

I'm learning to love quicksands, because I think life is truly this way. Don't take anything for granted, anything.

I'm about to start a heavy week. Tomorrow, trying to defend myself for a job and later my case with my lawyer.

I am back to cigarettes for real, well 1, 2 a day. Bad enough. But however bad it is, right now stopping is not my priority.

;-)

The Job, part 2

I've spent one hour today working on my second job interview for the company I saw last week.

The first interview went well it seems. On Friday I got a call for second interview tomorrow morning at 10.00am, this time with the HR manager. 
I was so proud.
Funny when you've stopped working in a formal biz environment for 10 years... you get back into it, but you're everything but formal. You answer typical questions, but just can't answer in a typical way. Even if I imagine the expected answers, I have to go straight to the point : 

"Why do you want this job?" 
"because it is a very interesting position that will allow me to develop my career"
"because (and then I give my most pretty smile) I need to feed my kids"

It would take me 30 minutes to go there, very well located in Paris centre.
I wonder, god I wonder how I'll make it... alone, full time job, the kids, my painting biz, and myself. No holidays for a year.

I need Superman to take care of me sometimes. I should be an emergency for him! : )
Please Superman, come here and take care of me for a couple of hours only. 

It's stressing, but exciting. I'm going to be a super modern girl. Capable to do everything, alone.
And one day, one day trust me, my paintings will be enough. I'll be a successful artist. I wouldn't type it if I wouldn't believe it. Forced to make it happen now : )

edit: both appointments, the job and lawyer have been postponed ! boooo

Hunter

Hunting for boots comes first to my mind.
Hunting for food or sex come right after.

But right now I'm hunting for a job. Being on my own and just selling paintings is not enough (one day it will be !! ).

It's complicate (and that only sums up pretty well my life at the moment). I gotta find something, part time job, that allows me to take care of my kids at the same time. But making enough money is important, and keeping working on my painting business too. God that's complicate! lol

Online jobs... pretty risky, you have really anything. Usually demanding and not well paid at all.
So, I'm trying anything just now... as long as it sounds serious.

I avoid anything like...

"Vous avez un ordinateur, une webcam, une connexion internet et l'envie de gagner de l'argent facilement en vous amusant : ce job est fait pour vous !" .... steamy!

"Looking for Personal Assistant Needed, Must be able to pass a drug test. All qualifying" ... Annoying!

"URGENT ! Artiste cherche modèle féminin pour poser nue pour ses cours de dessin d'après modèle vivant.(environ 10 élèves)" ... huhu ... ha ben à poil? je passe! lol

"Stage garanti sans photocopie H/F (75016, Paris 16ème)" ... Mwahaha... je déteste pas les photocopies, mais pour que dalle, merci bien!

I just can't get enough?

Do you know how to prioritize? 'cause I don't. What's important to me right now? Getting on well with the father of my babes? Making money to pay for our nest? Recovering from the emotional injuries? I have no idea. I think money comes first, because it concerns directly my babies. : )

Don't have a conversation with me at the moment. I start my sentences and never finish them. I jump to another topic, there's chaos in my mind, I can't focus on one single thing.

I only try to slow down with the devils sometimes. In the evening. Shhh... I want home to be a warm peaceful nest for them.

But then... when I go to sleep, I'm lost again... In my dreams, chaos: I'm writing resumes, I'm doing gym, I stand in front of my ex's girlfriend (wondering about the look in her eyes), and I talk to my sister.

I want a fireplace, the kitties on my knees, the devils on my sides. I want that, or a good drug, dunno. Well preferably the first choice! lol

Deep inside though I am monowishing, and I plainly dream of that, nothing else.