Slowly getting back to it

With the lil help of my Xmas elves, I'm getting back to it :)
(thank you Jenny for your email :-))

It's been been and still is some kind of weird time, fighting for bloody money, works, trying to make my babes happy, forgetting myself a bit too much in the whole process...

Time to multitask even more, for the best.

Human Misery

It's been a week I won't forget at work.

I'm confronted (not directly but as a close witness) to violence and deep human pain. I do admire my colleagues who make so many efforts despite the frustration (of not being able to help most of the people who come to us).

When I leave work, I do not, I can't.. feel *light*.
Friends are really helpful here.

I hope one day I meet someone who'll bring me tenderness and comfort and dreams when I come back home.
But I'm so closed to deep relationship. So dry. I've built a wall, no doubt.
I really should start to break it..

Little pride

When someone ask about my job... I naturally answer I am a a part-time painter and part-time assistant in humanitarian organisation.
The feed back is so positive that it makes me proud. A bit. If I can succeed in both jobs, I will be really proud.

the Killing

I've survived the Killing.

I thought no gossip could ever touch me. But for some days, it did. Maybe because I wasn't the only one concerned. I lost control over some situation and I really do hate that.

People wanting to hurt someone, I don't get it.
People might want to hurt when they are deeply jealous. But jealous of what? My life? really? I don't get it.

I don't even know who really wanted to hurt me but it's been a success.
I'm done with it but won't forget it.

In that collage, I've been about every character behind the iron bars. Today I am the pink haired one, on the top left :)

How are you doing?

I am doing ok. That's all I can say.

Moving sands has become my homeland. I deserve a crown, well... I think.
Royalty suits my dreams.

Sometimes these moving sands background lights my fire to go beyond my own limits, sometimes it scares me, and I feel petrified.

But I have a lighthouse in my life.

A lighthouse in the shape of 2 wonderfull kids holding their kitties in their arms.

That makes such a difference. That makes everything.

Neighbours (aka The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly)

I live in a village, part of a big city, where some people find it hard to say hello. Even people that you know since ages.
I can't explain why. Human nature full of pride and prejudice.

I am very out of the circle of people ignoring... life in its most simple shape.

But then, out of that circle, my lil village is actually  full of wonderful individuals

I've just spent such a good time at my neighbours'. Simple, full of care and tenderness.
My kind of Human nature.

Temps modernes ?

..Just stressing Paris? Or a mom on her own ?

it's 7.30pm
Rushing back from work, taking lil time for the babes that have been on their own for some time after holiday camp.
Rushing out to the veterinary, with Morphine and the devils, before I'd pay twice the price because it's already night schedule.
Rushing back home, giving Morphine her lil medication.

Then rushing out again because a mom had promised her babes they would get new stuff for school. And they wouldn't wait.

Back home. It's 10.00pm. Gotta feed the devils.
But super happy devils just back from shopping by night.

..And then the sofa was mine, not even energy to check for the snail mail (invoices for sure) I got.

Well.. Super happy devils is motivating enough :)

Days are too short for a blog writer :)

July has gone like... pfffffffffffffffffft!

Work is being so intense... a part time job that would require full time I think.
No holidays this year, what a contrast with last year(s) in the hobbit house.

I've joined my babes several times in Bretonie but would not go there, in the hobbit house. Too many memories.

My devils are back in Paris (they came back 10 days ago). I run to work, come back quickly to take care of them. We spend much time at the swimmingpool, gotta help them learning how to swim better and better.
Yet, they gotta go to some "city" holiday camp. I have no other choice (sigh). But they enjoy it (happy sigh).

When they were in Brittany, I've been out all the time. Friends taking care of me, so precious and incredible. Gotta say I am almost a diva at the moment, refusing invitations again and again. Just no time! :)

Having 2 jobs, taking care of my babes, not forgetting sport and friends. My days are full. Too full to blog that regularly!

Tonight I've just finished a painting. Getting back to it, adjusting to my new crazy rhythm.

Oh in 3 weeks, we should welcome another kitty baby at home!!! She already gets a name, but shhhhhh... secret!

My babes are being wonderful, we make such a perfect trio. They're supportive, helpful and I try to give them back  much love and attention.

Battles

swallowing a hot coffee, feeling like I could share this coffee with someone.
Getting ready for work, kids, sport, kids, painting

4 months

Been smoking for 4 months and it's been fucking good. Incredibly good.
I still have 2 paquets of 20 cigarettes at home.
I smoke, between 10 and 15 cigs a day. Old habits came back fast.

When these 2 paquets are over, I'll be done. I quite smoking despite the real pleasure it brings me. It's too damn expensive. Maybe sexy on the pic, but I don't want to be that slave.

Sigh.

Happy sigh : )

Planting my flag on a new planet

First day at work.
Wonderful people surrounding me. My boss gives me 10 days to get used to the place, to the people, to explore every corner of it.
It feels strange to be in a same place for many hours. It feels strange to try to fit to a company's habits. Remembering names is already something : )
Strange to dress for some "official work".  Strange to be part of the massive running workers in the tramway and metro. 40 to 45 min to get to my working place.

I hope though I'll be the perfect assistant I'm expected to be.

Taking care of my babes at the same time, even if only part-time job is something. I never finish just in time when they finishes school and that already requires so much organisation. Thank god, people and friends around are very helpful, always someone to keep an eye over my devils.

I'm tired tonight and nothing compared with the tiredness you get after 2 hours at sport.
Gotta finish taking care of some papers and then I'll work a bit on one of my paintings.

And well, I'm still playing lottery..

Ready for work, girl?

Oh good! cause you've just got a job!

yeahhh! After, hm, 6 months, long... endless months.
Yesterday I got a call from the boss of a company I contacted a couple of weeks ago.
I was so much affected by Conan's brutal death that I couldn't share that good news, except with the kids.

A job, finally. Part-time job to be the boss' assistant.

The company... An association taking care of homeless people. What a different environment for me, so motivating.

My interview 2 weeks ago went ok it seems. I'm really really happy. I'll be working 2 afternoons and 2 mornings per week.

Can keep on with my painting biz and maybe find another part time job :)

No holiday for me this year. I don't care, except for my babes...
I want so much to take them abroad and explore the World with them. One day...

And maybe one day I can afford for those too..

PS: no way I can wear the WHITE ones... but make them red or black and oh yeahhh!

You said any opportunity?

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Jungle (chapter #38)

So here I am, still looking for a job. I think I'm not the only one by the way (lol when I get a job interview, the pile of resumes is truly impressive!)

My job hunt has been a bit slower lately... with my grand-ma last days and divorce judgement, it was hard to focus on it.
But I'm back to it.

Got a very good interview last week to be a receptionist/assistant (that more or less the pic I gave them, without all that contrast huhu,  they wanted a pic... They often want one!
And I fight hard to not look too tired... pfffff).

Got a super opportunity from a big internet company, but it was abroad... :( ... had to refuse. So frustrating, I could feel THE opportunity.

Medical assistant, part time actress (lol), assistant for laywers, assistant in associations welcoming homeless people, I answer any job offer I can.


Gotta be sure I don't work on weekends or in evenings.

People often worry that I have stopped having a regular job for 10 years.
Sigh.

But I've learnt to know how to sell myself now, and I learn everytime.

I am very curious what kind of job I'll get at the end (soon hopefully!)

Heaven is a place on earth with you

I'm so sorry for the lack of news, the lack of answers to emails or messages. Any of them matters so much to me. Every word makes a difference.
Thank you... thank you, my beloved ones : )))

As always, I'm running after time.
I'm digesting the death of my grand-ma (she's burried at the feet of old mountains, and stupid, I worry she's cold, that really haunts me), I'm getting back to the job hunting, try to cope with the divorce process. And my babes. Lola's having epileptic crisis again, which is my priority now. And Loup is fine, but I keep a careful and attentive eye on him : )
They were very brave during the funerals, comforting their lil cousins.

I'm also back to the painting works. Finished a collage days ago, works on an order just now.
I don't give a fuck to the French elections that just happened. ** shrugging **. I paint, I do my own (adored) duty. : )

Heaven is here, and nowhere else. I have Hope, i'll find or build it.
Thank you, Gontran, for that song.

From planet Candles

in orbit, I am. Quicksands, always. Tornados often.

3 days, Easter, with hardly any job offer. And school holidays just around the corner, that will be even slower.
No improvement from my grand-ma.. I'm the closest to the hospital so I think I'll be there everyday, till I get a f**&%ing job.

 I need to go out, see people, do more sport (isn't 8 hours/week enough? no nooooo) :P

Circle of life

Ok, (breathing in, breathing out), it's my day

Second round

First part of the heavy week's done, got lots of homework to do before next week.
It was tough, unpleasant.

And tomorrow, finally, I get my second interview. I feel like a ball in my stomach, no stress for it, but wondering what will happen next.

I gotta get into the spirit now : I'll paint my nails. Perfect hands, I can do that ...  ;-)

Quicksand

I walk, one step, then another.

The ground isn't as hard as I thought, I'm about to lose my balance sometimes, even fall.
It was scary the first times.
you just don't know how often you will fall. Then you learn how to. Just like when skiing : )

I'm learning to love quicksands, because I think life is truly this way. Don't take anything for granted, anything.

I'm about to start a heavy week. Tomorrow, trying to defend myself for a job and later my case with my lawyer.

I am back to cigarettes for real, well 1, 2 a day. Bad enough. But however bad it is, right now stopping is not my priority.

;-)