Slowly getting back to it

With the lil help of my Xmas elves, I'm getting back to it :)
(thank you Jenny for your email :-))

It's been been and still is some kind of weird time, fighting for bloody money, works, trying to make my babes happy, forgetting myself a bit too much in the whole process...

Time to multitask even more, for the best.

A (few!) minute(s) in a single mom's life

7.00 : waking up, making everything ready for the devils
8.30: running out, late with the devils, holiday camp
9.05: "hello fellow workers!"
10.30: "Good morning again, your son does not feel well, you gotta come back"
10.45: running out, wondering how I'll manage between a sick kid, work, oh and a fine kid
11.15: back home with the devils, with a list of recommendations for a couple of hours. Neighbours are warned.
12.30: woooshing back to work, shit my home phone does not work. HYPER stress
13.00: telling my boss I gotta go (wondering how I'll manage tomorrow with the pile of work on my desk).

15.00: cuddling my babes, horrible bills waiting on my desk. Trying to look zen, despite all the rest.
 15.02: promising a wonderful end of the week to my devils (while quickly checking how I'll make that possible)

happy (stressed) sigh :)

and I wish I was ....

Blessed (very short) moment

My babes are back to me today.
We started the day with Frankenweenie, a restaurant, waflles later, games together, cooking with Loup, movie in the evening.

We all needed that very much.

I can breathe again :)

I wish I had holidays with them, but I can't yet... it's been so long. I wish they could sleep in the morning, but instead I gotta take them in their holiday camp (which happens to be in their own school).
*sigh*

One day I'll take a lil revenge on life, because well it's been a bitch lately!
Not complaining though,
I'm the happiest mama, surrounded with perfect friends.

One year later

Been a year now I'm a single mom, and oh god, how much better it feels now than months and months ago!

Had to take a sleeping pill though to be sure i'll sleep this time. It worked wonderfully.

And, well... Been 10 years now I am the happiest mama!

Celebrating the Lola's birthday with a smile on the face was very hard last year,

but very easy this year :)

How are you doing?

I am doing ok. That's all I can say.

Moving sands has become my homeland. I deserve a crown, well... I think.
Royalty suits my dreams.

Sometimes these moving sands background lights my fire to go beyond my own limits, sometimes it scares me, and I feel petrified.

But I have a lighthouse in my life.

A lighthouse in the shape of 2 wonderfull kids holding their kitties in their arms.

That makes such a difference. That makes everything.

Kitty moment

Done! Satan and Morphine are like mother and daughter!It's just so good to see that new feline pair getting on so well. They sleep together, play together, fight against each other.

Morphine is SO expressive, i'm not used to that.
She really comes to me for cuddles.
She mews to talk to me with her big eyes opened. She tries to lick my face whenever she feels sweet.

She's not just and angel though!
She steals food whenever she can, then hides it in the washing machine...

 Today she's stolen a sponge, can't find it anymore and she has put another one into pieces. Oh she's having fun!

Liberation de Paris.. by proud devils

and amused mama ;)

Oh Loup looked so "into it" behind the wheel
And Lola so pretty!
















And well I got caught in a trap, lovely men in uniform, can't resist (the moustache effect....Mmm) !

Temps modernes ?

..Just stressing Paris? Or a mom on her own ?

it's 7.30pm
Rushing back from work, taking lil time for the babes that have been on their own for some time after holiday camp.
Rushing out to the veterinary, with Morphine and the devils, before I'd pay twice the price because it's already night schedule.
Rushing back home, giving Morphine her lil medication.

Then rushing out again because a mom had promised her babes they would get new stuff for school. And they wouldn't wait.

Back home. It's 10.00pm. Gotta feed the devils.
But super happy devils just back from shopping by night.

..And then the sofa was mine, not even energy to check for the snail mail (invoices for sure) I got.

Well.. Super happy devils is motivating enough :)

Days are too short for a blog writer :)

July has gone like... pfffffffffffffffffft!

Work is being so intense... a part time job that would require full time I think.
No holidays this year, what a contrast with last year(s) in the hobbit house.

I've joined my babes several times in Bretonie but would not go there, in the hobbit house. Too many memories.

My devils are back in Paris (they came back 10 days ago). I run to work, come back quickly to take care of them. We spend much time at the swimmingpool, gotta help them learning how to swim better and better.
Yet, they gotta go to some "city" holiday camp. I have no other choice (sigh). But they enjoy it (happy sigh).

When they were in Brittany, I've been out all the time. Friends taking care of me, so precious and incredible. Gotta say I am almost a diva at the moment, refusing invitations again and again. Just no time! :)

Having 2 jobs, taking care of my babes, not forgetting sport and friends. My days are full. Too full to blog that regularly!

Tonight I've just finished a painting. Getting back to it, adjusting to my new crazy rhythm.

Oh in 3 weeks, we should welcome another kitty baby at home!!! She already gets a name, but shhhhhh... secret!

My babes are being wonderful, we make such a perfect trio. They're supportive, helpful and I try to give them back  much love and attention.

Battles

swallowing a hot coffee, feeling like I could share this coffee with someone.
Getting ready for work, kids, sport, kids, painting

My art in the name of feet

A painting sold, 3 pairs of shoes expected at home.

Mines for work mostly,
my devils' for toes in the air

It's good to sell one's art sometimes :)

Taiming the lonely beast

It's been 8 months now I've been living alone with my devils and demons.
But alone as an adult, a woman.

One of my demons dies, no one around to help me. Still gotta learn about that.

My babes, adorable devils... gotta focus on them night and day at 100%. I'm getting good at that.

Sleeping alone in a huge bed, scary at the beginning. Got used to it.

Going out, a man following me, no one next to me to make me feel safe. Gotta count on myself only. I'm practising.

Successes. I want to raise my glass to a good piece of news. I want to make love and celebrate. But there I am talking to my beloved Satan, which is different, but good too.

Failures. I would need support late at night, a partner telling it's gonna be ok. But I look at myself in the mirror. It's just you and I. I'm adjusting. A cigarette still helps at the moment.

Future. Hard to imagine any. But if I make my babes happy when they wake up, then it's wonderful. Feeding them, making them feel safe and totally loved is what matters.

Men. I have a perfect age to be of men's interest, young, old, they're all into it. I look at myself in the mirror.. and now what?

Being alone. A burden. A gift? .. A Freedom where independence takes its full meaning.

Coming back home. And no one waiting for you. But that mirror, telling everything.

It's 2.00am, I'm just back home, gonna watch something. Can't sleep. It's just Satan and I this weekend.

And I'll make the best of it.

The journey is within myself. I had forgotten who I was. Maybe... maybe... it's the opportunity of my life..


System Of A Down - Lonely Day par hahaestcemoi

Heaven is a place on earth with you

I'm so sorry for the lack of news, the lack of answers to emails or messages. Any of them matters so much to me. Every word makes a difference.
Thank you... thank you, my beloved ones : )))

As always, I'm running after time.
I'm digesting the death of my grand-ma (she's burried at the feet of old mountains, and stupid, I worry she's cold, that really haunts me), I'm getting back to the job hunting, try to cope with the divorce process. And my babes. Lola's having epileptic crisis again, which is my priority now. And Loup is fine, but I keep a careful and attentive eye on him : )
They were very brave during the funerals, comforting their lil cousins.

I'm also back to the painting works. Finished a collage days ago, works on an order just now.
I don't give a fuck to the French elections that just happened. ** shrugging **. I paint, I do my own (adored) duty. : )

Heaven is here, and nowhere else. I have Hope, i'll find or build it.
Thank you, Gontran, for that song.

Trio .... grande : )

Two most beloved Priorities

Holiday time is a dead time for job offers (sigh).
My priorities, part time job or full time with tight schedule, not too far. God, I wouldn't have babes, I'd take anything, night and day, preferably something interesting.
But today my priorities are my babies of course. So I try anything, even if I am overqualified (I think) for most of the job offers I chose.

I've got good contacts, interesting phone calls, a looong job interview last week for a part time job... but with working hours that really did not fit (like starting to work in the middle of afternoon, etc).

sigh.
Today, something terribly not interesting, assistant in some, I dunno, AC company I think.. but with good money and close and with perfect working times. 5 days a week from 8.30 to 12.30. That would let me time to work on my paintings and sell them, and take care of the devils : )

I could also get a quick divorce and marry a very rich man! hehe.
sigh.

I sigh a lot, but I smile, no worries.

Anticipation, stress and cigarette

My devils start their Winter holidays tomorrow.
What does it mean now for me? It means I gotta learn how to "share" them. I'm not used to not have them close to me.
It's crazy, painful.
For a few days, I'll feel sick inside, I'll keep myself as busy as possible. Sport and friends will be like Heaven. Sweet escape.

I've had a packet of cigarettes  for 2 months. I've smoked one only.
2 others borrowed to friends.
I'll never let cigarettes be an addiction again, but these cigarettes have been truly good. I dream of that cigarette I'll have on one of those evenings, when I will think about the sleeping face of my babes, the peaceful rhythm of their heart. And miss them : )

My lil musician

It's been a month since Loup has asked for a Djumbé.
He gathered enough pocket money to afford one. So He and I went to the frozen flea market on Saturday. We met helpful guys, musicians who found us a lil djumbé. They played a bit with Loup. Lovely.

Now Loup keeps playing at it, specially when we're out, he plays while walking in the street, while we're shopping, and loves it.

The exotic, intoxicating sound and rhythm is wonderful for inexperienced hands and delicate ears! Best instrument ever just right now ;-)