but my bloggie ... how does that sound : )
my grandma is being reanimated.. I'm joining my sister to the hospital. Thank god, I don't have my babes with me tonight.
I hope.. many things, really.
Life ....
edit: I come into the hospital bedroom.
Her whole shape is different. Brain attacks break the body, it's terrifying. She does not look like herself at all. I wish there were dozens of photos around to show the doctors to show everyone how beautiful my grand mother is. She is so beautiful. I will show you a photo.
But today her skin is red. She breathes heavily. Her body has swollen, it is so weird.
Her face is distorted. I don't want to cry, well I want to, but I struggle.
My sister stands next to me, as moved as I am. It was she who found her lying on the floor, helpless.
We were just kids not so long ago. That gives me some unbearable vertigo.
** My sister and I are running, again pursued by tall roosters. Taller than us. We run fast, kinda really scared, to finally jump into the arms of our grandma. She scares the nasty roosters, laughs but warns us to be very careful with them. It's summertime. I'll hate roosters, chicken, pigeons, birds, for the rest of my life : )**
I thought I was to be responsible for my kids. Not for my rock.
Our grand-mother is our rock.
I kiss her hand, she holds mine, pressing hard. Only love words come out. She answers, but her voice is distorted too. She can't talk, she moans in a heart-breaking way. Sometimes she suddenly opens her eyes wide in some crazy desperate efforts. Then she closes them for most of the time.
More sounds come out from her when I start to cry kissing her hand.
We all know it happens this way at the end.
Who can stand that.
the oedema in her brain is getting bigger and bigger. She gets a bad lung infection.
I don't want to receive any call. She can make it you know, she's not like anybody. She's my grand mother.
A big hug to you.
ReplyDeleteBises
merci ma douce Mahie : )))
DeleteMy heart aches for you my precious Sista....I know how difficult it is to watch someone you love sit on the edge like this. Not just "someone"....your rock....your warriorian grandma (any woman who goes to battle with monsterous roosters to save her grand-babes has earned the "Warrior Woman" title :-)))~^*^*^~*).
ReplyDeleteYour beloved grandma will be fine - whichever path she chooses to take. I truly believe when people are in this situation they never give up the fight for life (even in such illness life is precious you know....sometimes more so then). They do sometimes decide that their time has come though....and they let go (which is such a courageous thing to do). So just remember whatever she chooses will be the perfect thing for her, and for those who love her as well. She's a warrior, in her heart - she knows what's best. *^*^~*^*
I love you *^*^~*^**
I drink your words, my sista, I needed them so much. These very ones, these peaceful words. Today I tried to wake her up (she's in coma now), I really tried, I talked and almost screamed to be sure she could hear me. I told her to come back, I was so frustrated, so sad. But now you're right, she knows what's best. I have many things to tell her again, I hope I'll have the time to do it. Oh I wish I could take her from this bed and protect her from any harm, like ermm death ... ** hardly smiling, but smiling ** :- )
DeleteWarm thoughts to you ...
ReplyDeleteOh thank you Peter : ) oh I did not expect to add this chapter to my life right now. And when I write all that down in my blog, I know who will read it. So important to me too, right now.
DeleteCandy, I read your post yesterday and left you a message but it hasn't appeared so I must have made a mistake.
ReplyDeleteJust to say I'm thinking of you in these sad times and sending you a hug too.