Paradise should be just at the corner

I don't know.

On Saturday, I was in that hospital room with my mom. We were talking. It was about 7.00pm. We were used to the heavy breathing of my grand mother with her mask, oxygen, etc.

But suddenly.. Silence. Deadly silence.

"Mom, mom, she's stopping breathing !!!"
My hand on her heart. Not to check anything, just to, I don't know, touch her.
She breathes 2 times. One time.
She's gone.

My mom rushes to the doc, I take my grand-ma in my arms, crying. "No, no no no!!!"
She's gone.

"Why do you leave when I am with you, I can't handle that, I don't know how to handle that"

My sister had just left, my grandma wanted to spare her, I know.

We leave the room a few minutes later. The medical staff say they will "prepare her".
I ask them if they can close her mouth. "no problem !"

We leave for 20 minutes, my sister's back with us.
I get a call from Jenny, asking for news. Jenny, an angel : ))

We go back to the room, I expect to see my grandma, all pretty.
But.
She's in a white plastic bag already, around her head a bandage. She's already completely yellow.
(why did the skin turn SO yellow?? weird)

I was the first to be back in the room. I rush out, I tell my sis to wait a minute to get ready for something bad.

I get back there, open the plastic back down to her waist. I arrange a bedshit around her head, to hide the bandage.
My sister can't approach her, can't look at her. My mom is devastated.

I'm happy I'm a girl with a girlie handbag. I kiss my grandma. I start to put some nail varnish on her pretty hands.
Some light lipstick on her pretty lips. Now she's so pretty in death.
I hug her tight tight. And I won't stop for hours. Her still warm dead body comfort me.

Tomorrow, the funerals.

And tomorrow, probably the first judgement for my divorce.
I'm used to the worst at the moment, since months, so, it shouldn't be that bad.

Wish me luck when I read love words during the ceremony. It will happen at 11.00am.
I think I am strong, but I am not sure really.